


red like my heartache, red like i beat

by orphan_account



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, post-ep6 fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23440219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: she doesn't. out of the corner of his eye, jaskier can see how yennefer's face softens."you too, huh?" she asks, and it lacks all of her usual bite."yeah," jaskier sighs, "me too."or, after the mountain, yennefer and jaskier talk.
Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 25
Kudos: 178





	red like my heartache, red like i beat

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i did yen's character justice - this is my first time writing her at any length. this started because i wanted to write teasing mean friends jaskier & yen and then is somehow turned into this so....yeah i hope that dynamic gets across.

yennefer catches up to him on his way down the mountain, and that makes jaskier just a little suspicious because he knows damn well that yennefer can portal herself to wherever the fuck she wants to go, and as such she has no reason to be walking down the mountain like jaskier is.

"bard," she says when she is beside him and her tone is biting. 

"witch," jaskier replies. but the bite in his voice is lacking. he's exhausted and hurt and would really like to make it back to some sort of safe spot to camp before the sun dips below the horizon. which means he really doesn't have time to be trading insults with yennefer.

"where's your witcher?" 

and jaskier can't suppress the flinch at the words, can't hide the way it's like rubbing salt into a wound. “he was never mine,” jaskier says, and yennefer notices his flinch, his exhausted tone, because of course she does, and jaskier steels himself for her to dig into the weakness.

she doesn't. out of the corner of his eye, jaskier can see how yennefer's face softens. 

"you too, huh?" she asks, and it lacks all of her usual bite. 

"yeah," jaskier sighs, "me too."

she’s silent as they continue walking, the only noise their feet crunching in the dirt of the road. “how would you like to get off this gods-forsaken mountain?”

jaskier turns sharply to look at her because there is  _ no _ way yennefer of vengerberg just offered help to  _ him _ , jaskier, a bard and a nuisance. “did you just…”   
  
“don’t test me, bard. do you want off this mountain or not?”   
  
“...yeah, yeah that sounds good.” 

with a flick of her wrist, yennefer opens a swirling portal and walks through it. jaskier hesitates for a minute before he follows. 

he comes out the other side in front of the inn they’d started this journey at, distinctly more nauseous than the first time they were here. “ugh,” jaskier groans, bent over with his hands on his knees, and he knows his face is green judging by the way yennefer takes a small step away from him. “i don’t think the portal thing agrees with me much.”   
  
“you get used to it,” yennefer says, eyeing jaskier’s mouth warily. “if you puke on my shoes, bard, i  _ will _ shove you off a cliff.”   
  
“is that a promise?” 

yennefer rolls her eyes. “how do you have the ability to joke, even now.”

“it’s a talent.” jaskier gulps down air until his stomach doesn’t feel like it’s going to revolt and then he straightens. “okay, okay i’m good. what now?”   
  
yennefer holds open the door to the inn. “now, we get food.”   
  
“uh...not that i don’t appreciate the idea of a hot meal that’s not roasted monster, but…” jaskier rubs circles into his lute strap as he hesitates. he doesn’t know how to explain this to yennefer but he really doesn’t have the gold to spending right now, nor does he feel like playing to pay for a room. 

the motion catches yennefer’s attention. “i’ll buy you dinner and a room, bard. come on.”

yennefer holds true to her word. she shoves jaskier towards the only open table in the corner, and goes to get food and alcohol from the bar. she comes back with two glasses of something that sloshes when she sets them on the table. 

jaskier still doesn’t really trust her, but free alcohol is free alcohol. he takes a big swallow out of his and is pleasantly surprised to find that it’s a nice wine, not watered down ale. “thanks,” he mumbles as yennefer takes her seat.

the serving girl comes by soon enough and drops off a steaming plate of meat and potatoes in front of them both. they eat in silence, but jaskier finishes barely half his plate before he’s putting his fork down and sitting back in his chair.  the serving girl has been by twice now to refill his cup, and maybe drinking this much wine on a mostly empty stomach isn’t a good idea, but it soothes over the ache in jaskier’s heart, makes it easier to deal with the fact that his friend of nearly 20 years has pushed him away. 

he downs his third glass and speaks up. “i’m sorry,” he says, and yennefer looks up from her plate. 

“for what?”   
  
“for hating you for no reason,” jaskier says. “i think subconsciously i blamed you for the way geralt was but...it was never your fault, and i realize that now.”   
  
“you heard everything on the mountain, didn’t you?” jaskier nods. the serving girl comes by again, and yennefer waits until she’s gone to speak again. “well then tell me, what did he say to you?”   
  
jaskier looks away, eyes focused on a point just over yennefer’s shoulder. “he blamed me for everything that had happened. the child surprise, the djinn, all of it. he told me that the one blessing he wanted in his life was for me to be off his hands, so i left.” 

"you love him," yennefer says, after jaskier stops speaking and has downed his fourth glass of wine.

jaskier sighs, resigned. whether she knows because he was obvious or because she rifled through his mind doesn't matter. "just as you do," jaskier replies.

and yennefer begins to protest that it was  _ all magic, all fake, _ but jaskier doesn't believe that, never has, now that he thinks about it. 

he cuts her off. 

"when the djinn fulfilled his wish, all it did was bind you two together," jaskier says, and really, he’s probably far too drunk to really be having this conversation, but he soldiers on. "the two of you are the ones who decided to make it something more, take it to the physical level and everything. the djinn just made it so that no matter where you went, you would always find each other." jaskier looks back down at his plate. “at least he loved you back,” and the words are bitter in his mouth. 

when he looks up, yennefer is staring at him like she’s just realized something. “jaskier, what do you remember from when you were attacked by the djinn?”

“not much, admittedly.”

“geralt said that he would give  _ anything _ , if it meant that i would save you. 

"so?" jaskier asks, trying for light, but something heavy settles in the pit of his stomach. 

"he didn't know me then," yennefer says. "i was just another mage. could have asked for anything from him—his life, all the secrets of his kind. whatever the price, he said." 

jaskier swallows. "doesn't mean anything." 

"doesn't it?"

“that doesn’t change the fact that he yelled at me on that mountain, pushed me away without a second thought.”

yennefer is silent, thoughtful, nails tapping out an erratic beat on the table top. “i think...i think he's never had anyone choose to stay with him before. with me, because of the wish, he knew i was always coming back, but also because of that he could never know if i truly wanted to or not.” she stops tapping her nails, and leans forward on her elbows. “but you, you consistently returned to travel with him.”

jaskier snorts. “yeah, and look where that got me.” 

yennefer sighs. “why don’t you play that maudlin song that’s been gnawing at the fringes of your thoughts, and then we can get some sleep. i got two rooms for tonight.”

jaskier shakes his head, and yennefer raises an eyebrow. jaskier has  _ never _ turned down a reason to perform. “not here,” he explains in a hushed whisper. “i can’t, not here.”

so jaskier follows yennefer up the stairs, to the end of the hall where their rooms are located. he follows yennefer inside the one that must be hers, and settles himself in the chair nearest the door. he’s antsy, leg jumping, ready to bolt. 

“come on bard,” she says from her spot across the room. “the sooner you get it out the better you’ll feel.” 

“and how would  _ you _ know,” jaskier snaps, even as he’s removing the lute from it’s case. 

“because,” yennefer replies easily, “i know your type.”

and jaskier rolls his eyes, takes a deep breath, but hesitates before he begins to play. the notes come out more somber than before, infused with a heartbreak he hadn’t expected to run so deep. he knows that yennefer knows  _ exactly _ what this song is about, but she stays silent throughout, her face a mask he cannot read. 

when he finishes, he looks up to find her staring at him, like she’s seeing  _ into _ him, and jaskier just wants to shrink from that gaze. 

"i'm glad he has you," she says as he puts the lute away. "someone who will choose him. every time."

jaskier looks at her for a long moment, heart lighter than it was when he first stepped into this room. “i’m glad he has you,” he says finally, standing to leave the room. “someone who will return to him every time, even when i cannot.” 

he does not stay behind to see her reaction, cannot stand the feeling of being flayed open and exposed underneath her violet gaze any longer. he escapes and he runs to his room. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from [blue ft. nicholas petricca](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw2nAeoyvxo)


End file.
